Notorious BIG and Moldy Bread

     Would you like to know what is even worse than when you go to make a sandwich and you realize that there is mold on the bread? Let me tell you.. Not having the motha fucking internet. I seriously open my lap top, (which is missing keys because Borris is trying to improve his typing skills using his razor claws.. Good for him though, forty-seven w.p.m is impressive for a cat) Turn on my ITunes, put on some motha fuckin' Missy Elliot and I click on the two double computers with a bold red X going through them that indicate that I do not have access to the best thing in the universe, in hopes that someone has moved in near by with an unsecured internet connection. Preferably an extreme hot gypsy king with the body of a Greek God. But guess what..?? That never fucking happens. So then I pick up my lap top, move to every location in my apartment, including closets, continue to click the double computers that are now laughing at me, and no fucking dice. So then I play solitaire.. for probably way longer than anyone should. I'm on the expert level now, sort of a big deal. Those dancing cards that appear when you defeat the game is a sweet reminder of success.

   Speaking of success, I have managed to keep more than four beverage choices in my fridge at any given time since I have moved into my apartment. Kool-aid? I got it. Coke Zero? Yeah, I got that too. And I ALWAYS have soy milk. Fucking crucial. Except when you come home from seriously gettin' yo drink on and wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty as shit, go to the fridge with retard crusty eyes, reach for whatever you grab first, chug it and then say, "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk... soy miiiilllllllkkkkkkkkkkk... Why couldn't I have grabbed the peach infused pomegranate juice!?!?!?" -insert sad face here-

Oh yeah, and by the way.. this picture that I drew has nothing to do with anything, really.. Except for the fact that I would buy a gold grill before I would buy braces.

PS. Will somebody please buy me one of those electric coffee mug thingies to keep my coffee warm so that when I walk away to make a moldy sandwich I don't come back and say, "fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccck... cold cooooofffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeee." -one more sad face-

PPS. Please remind me to never again answer my phone at 4:00 in the morning when I see that it is Joe Joe, LaToya and Lazor calling from Vegas because more than likely it is just going to be them screaming things in  a different language. And that language is drunk retard screaming language.