1. I get nothing done after 8:00 p.m. unless it involves beer
2. Homeless people and stray cats are exactly alike, if you give them a cigarette once they will always ask you for one
3. I don’t like homeless people
4. Not having the internet is a cheap excuse for going to the bar and spending too much money on booze
5. Downloading music illegally will resolve in your lap top getting AIDS
6. Having a land lady that is in her 80’s is great because you always get shortbread and decaf coffee when you pay your rent
7. I like the song ‘Almost Crimes’ better acoustic than I do the album version
8. Chris Farley actually did more than just yell out what he was saying
9. I still really like the color green after all these years
10. Having a baby is nothing like having a cat because you can’t change a babies name two weeks after birth
11. I spend way too much money renting sitcoms and way too much time watching them
12. Jason Schwartzman shows up in media when you least expect it
13. I still quote lines from “The Hangover”
14. I’m not racist, I thought I was because I know a black person who smells real bad and I don’t like bad smells so I associated his color with that, but after smelling other black people I have realized that it is just the one person that smells that way
15. If you compliment Taco Bell employee’s on their customer service you might get free cinnamon twists
16. Golden Harvest is the only place to go in Lansing for breakfast
17. I get so excited about the Beastie Boys that I run into walls
18. Hiring people at a coffee shop that wear glasses usually works out well
19. I need a new pair of glasses
20. You really only do need five hours of sleep to stay alive the next day
21. Getting business cards really does make you feel better about yourself
22. I will never cut my hair short again
23. Notorious B.I.G was really the greatest rapper to ever live
24. I discovered a way to make old newspaper into art
25. Having a Facebook account is almost as bad as having a cocaine addiction
26. Power chugging PBR is a good way to power through being tired
27. LaToya is really good at making vegan cupcakes
28. I am only stuck on myself because I am not stuck on someone else
29. I will never home school my unborn child
30. The only things I crave when I am hung over is Earth and Jar and fountain soda
31. I still can’t spell the word ‘definitely’ without using spell check or T9
32. I can go a week without having a cell phone
33. I will never drink Whiskey again
34. Mates of State make any Sunday morning better
35. I secretly wish I worked at a Laundromat so that I could wear sweatpants every day to work
36. Going to the hospital without insurance is a close second to getting raped in the ass
37. Waffle fries taste better with vegan queso dip
38. Having a small bathroom is nice when you need to pee and wash your hands at the same time
39. Applebees has karaoke on Wednesday nights
40. I love living with gay men
41. I have the power to walk away from someone if they are boring me with what they’re saying
42. If alcohol is left at my house I will drink it
43. My cats are happy playing with wine corks and lighters
44. Brown rice is only good if it’s cooked thoroughly
45. You can get a ticket if you spend “too much” time in the left hand lane on the interstate
46. I still love to see people slip and fall
47. Smoking pot ends up in me falling asleep with potato chips in my mouth and dumpster mouth in the morning
48. I only like men if they’re at least five years older than me
49. Comic Sans font is only appropriate if used in 1996 while IMing and internet boyfriend that lives in New York
50. I’m fucking awesome
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