latoya.

There is something I feel you guys should know about me other than the fact that I just spelled 'know' 'no'.. I have an older sister. I don't talk about her much because, well, she's kind of a thug..... In a gang. Her name is LaToya and she's half black. Back in the 80's my mom went through a jungle fever faze and slept with a fellow Boogie Down Productions follower. 9 months later little LaToya was born. Growing up I always thought she was vicious, she used to pick on me so bad, I'm pretty sure it was because I am white and every now and again I would catch her in the bathroom putting baby powder all over here body to make herself appear white. As she got older she really grew into her blackness. In high school she started hanging out with the scary girls. Not the girls who thought they were scary because they had cornrows and talked loud. No, she hung out with the girls who rolled one pant leg up and wore bandannas. Our family started really worrying about her but when we tried to mention something about the way she acted she would threaten to kill us. She actually said, "Bitches better shut the fuck up yous asses will be getting capped up in hur, I fucking kill you." Excuse me Latoya? What does that even mean? Was that English?

Things have gotten a lot worse now. She has been in and out of jail on several different occasions for drugs, arson, and shooting someone in the face. They didn't die or anything though. We are all very scared for her.


Just. FUCKING. Kidding.

My older sister is a librarian in Canada. She lives there with her husband, Lazor. Also, her name is not LaToya, but that's what I am going to call her from here on out. Okay just so you are all caught up, let's recap.

LaToya- My older, white librarian sister, lives in Canada, her real name is -------, loves to eat bacon, just kidding, she's vegan.
Lazor- LaToya's husband, plays the keyboard, aspires to be a base jumper, and kills Nazis on a day to day bases.

Got it? Good, let's move on.

LaToya and I are really close. Though she lives in Canada we still keep it real via text, cell phone and IM. She's always like, "Hey I'm at some boring library convention thingy and I'm meeting all of these boring people blah, blah, blah, you're not listening, I know you're not, blah, blah, blah." And so I say, "Blah, blah, I just got my arms waxed, blah, blah." That's usually how it goes. But, she's the shit. Always. I feel like if anyone were to hurt her I would kill them. I would seriously fucking shoot them in the head. And, I'm at work right now, so I have to make a latte. Fuck.





I'm back, only to say that I am going to party my ass off this weekend. I can't believe how fucking shitty I am going to get. I am going to get so shitty. Shitty awesome.