Parking lot diaries

And now for your entertainment, a blurb from the past...


I told Frank to step off his pedestal after he refused my malt liquor beverage while pre-drinking in a parking lot outside of a gay dance club we enjoy. Frank was drinking Bacardi Lemon and Pepsi out of an empty Taco Bell cup that had been left in his car for a few days. He had boycotted Taco Bell for a few weeks prior to just recently after they messed up his order, giving him beef instead of beans and causing him to make a scene inside the dining area which lead to him throwing his burrito at the moronic clerk.

Just kidding.

In the four years of our friendship, I have never witnessed Frank as shitfaced as he was. We had made plans to meet up with some friends and small dick, so we stumbled into the club, paid the cover, and went to the bar. At this point of the evening we were certainly tipsy, but not to the point of passing out and peeing on strangers. We had a seat and I started talking to Frank about my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Gauthier, then we took a shot of tequila, then I was talking to him about my shitty job, and we took two more shots, and by this point I was rambling on about my dad until I was rudely interrupted by noticing that Frank was no longer sitting there. I looked around and spotted him at the entrance meeting our friends, and small dick.

I hadn’t seen small dick in what seemed to be years, and it wasn’t until a few weeks ago when we reconnected through Facebook, that we decided to meet up. I gathered my cigarettes, cell, and clutch from the bar and model walked over to them. Without even saying hello to the others I walked right up to small dick and stuck my tongue down his throat. Nobody even seemed to notice. Frank bought everyone three rounds, and then we made our way to the dance floor, sort of. Small dick and I stopped outside for a cigarette. Nobody will ever know of what we talked about outside that night because I wasn’t speaking English. I got myself together, and we headed to the dance floor. We started grinding and dry humping, I was licking his face and all around his mouth until our friends came up to us and told us that Frank was missing. I knew what I had to do. I ran up to DJ, and had him paged over the intercom.
This is not the first time it’s happened. A few years ago Frank abandoned me while I was in the bathroom so that he could sneak off and get a blow job in some random guy’s car. The plan to have him paged did not work well then, and it wasn’t until after I put the request in that I remembered that. We exited the dance floor in hopes of finding Frank. As we were doing a half ass job of looking around, small dick noticed this shit faced fool rolling around on the floor. Security immediately ambushed him and escorted him out of the building. When they passed us on the way out, we could tell who the fool was…

It was this loser douche bag that Frank and I used to hang out with a year ago. Frank was in the bathroom puking his guts out. He did end up being escorted out of the bar that night and proceeded to stumble into the parking lot. That is when his body took an ultimate plunge on to my 130 lb. frame. This upset me. I don't remember if I was more upset about adding new drunken scars to my body or the fact that the next day I couldn't make myself purge to feel better because my knees hurt too much to straddle the toilet.

Frank ended up falling asleep in a random car, woke up, freaked out, jumped out of the car, set the alarm off, ran to Burger King, Peed in the parking lot, Used their telephone to call a cab, left his car in Lansing, paid one hundred and twenty dollars for the ride home, and then had his parents take him to work three hours later. I on the other hand slept in small dick’s guest bedroom at his mom’s house.