A Slackers Fairytale

As I get closer to approaching the age 24 more and more often I get asked the question, "So, what do you want to do with your life?" What does this mean, really? I want to do a lot of things, I've always wanted to take up vegan baking and move to Germany to become a vegan baker, or there has always been my desire to become an airline pilot. I feel like going to school to get a degree in something like philosophy is not going to guarantee my happiness through life. Sure, it will make me look smarter than others, but that would all be bullshit seeing as I would probably spend most of my time in school cheating and taking Adderall. I have never been a big fan of wasting sanity either. I did go to school for a few years from when I was 18-22. That was a fucking joke really. I spent most of my time in the institution catching up on sleep I had missed the night before and getting on Facebook to blurb to my closest friends.

I really, really like money and spending it as freely as I wish it with little worry as possible. I am a big fan in not suffering any consequences for my actions, so I feel like taking out any more student loans is not a good idea. The government has this stupid rule where if you don't pay the money you borrowed back they will take it from you anyway. It's not like when you check out a movie from Blockbuster and you forget to return it, sure you may get a few phone calls from a 000-000-0000 number but in the end you're up one movie and after 6 months you're able to regain your membership.

I also hate wasting time, I live in a place called America where if you have a college degree, that's cool, but it doesn't guarantee success, a retirement plan, a bigger penis, or a perfect body. I feel like I am going to do just fine throughout my life so everyone who seems to be worried about where my life is going and what I am doing with it, don't be. I'm never going to work at McDonalds, I am never going to be Homeless, and I will NEVER have an STD.

Also, People who go away to college and stay in dorms have a better chance of getting athletes foot. And that is fucking gross.